Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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