the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
