meet me or not, i'm out of control
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
