evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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