Dual....:-)
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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