I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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