Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
