I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
