I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
