I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
