So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
