So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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