she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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