So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I need to stop coming to work sober
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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