you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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