I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
