I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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