Define "chronic" masturbator.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
