The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
