these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
