Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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