People in love make me want to vomit
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So much Jack, so little girl.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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