alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
