I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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