dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
