Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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