I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Randomize
