His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
