THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
