Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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