Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize