Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
