I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
