i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
