Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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