dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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