so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
