Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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