Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
