And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
