I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
