Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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