we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
