would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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