I hate your face
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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