just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
