i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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