I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
