Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
