But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
