Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
