and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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