Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize