Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
