I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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