is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
