a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
