She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
