Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
