I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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