dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
