he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
