Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
