Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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