Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
